This very lush part of Israel should stay part of Israel forever.
Okay, lets now take to the final level. The thought that proceeded much of this writing had to do with a particular cassette tape by Napoleon Hill that my Uncle Harvey Sanders (He should rest in peace) had lent to me sometime in the early 80′s. The tape talked about several ideas which I am now going to elucidate:
Getting baked in the Squat:
Napoleon Hill, a fairly well know author writing on such topics like: “Think and Grow Rich”. had used to an extended analogy to discuss his central idea.
Free Download Think and Grow Rich
The above link is somehow a free download so that you can download his book for free. (there must be a catch, and does his publisher know about this site?)
The central idea was about not being decisive or being a glittering generality. He had used this analogy about how he was offered these muffins that were baked by a a neighbor or friend of his. They tasted okay but he wondered why they were so short and squat. Why they were not tall and fluffy like a muffin or biscuit is supposed to be. (I think it was biscuits). Any way the housewife explained to him that somehow they were “getting ready to rise” but for some reason that they did not. They had somehow become baked in the squat. In his tape Napoleon Hill then went on to explain how that is what happens to us in life with our goals.
We for example might have a goal to buy a house. Yet we are waiting for the housing market to level off. Or in the past it may have been about waiting for interest rates to come down, or for housing prices to come down. You might have been waiting for you to become more secure on the job, or to get that promotion or raise you have been hoping for. Napoleon Hill in his tape about goals, goes on to list many more examples across all types of goals and ventures. Then concludes that you need to take action, or else you could risk looking back as ten years have got behind you
Naturally I bring out these ideas of Napoleon Hill as a launch to explain how I see this paradigm affecting me and possibly everyone else in the world, to varying degrees. Also I have a very real concern that whatever type mechanism kicks in to throw one into a reflective or meditative may have something to do with my upbringing, from the point of view of not passing this undesirable trait on to my offspring. One rarely has a chance to see how this thing works, however my daughter and I just spent a Sukkos Chol Hamoed day (intermediate semi-holiday day of Sukkos) at my mom’s in Kew Gardens.
Here is the sceneario:
My daughter wanted to watch TV and had already expected trouble because my mother does not seem to like cartoons in the morning because of the sound. Then my mom was trying to issue further directives when my daughter who was already engrossed in the world of televison (like some other frum Jews in the area we currently do not watch TV at home) said “Your annoying me”. My mother took that as an insult, asked for Dinah to surrender the remote, and turn off the TV, until Dinah apologized. Now Dinah did not feel like she did anything wrong, so she was upset. I know how my mom felt because Dinah may have used that word with me, in the same context, and it did not exactly give a warm fuzzy feeling. However we have discussed and Dinah knows that she is entitled to speak and express herself. Also it is not like it is exactly an insult, however on the other hand nobody wants to view themselves as a source of annoyance. That in context with the thing which requires Dinah’s attention being the television kind of makes the person feel that much less important. Keep in mind also that for whatever reason, there seems to be all kind of criticism both to me and at Dinah, coming form my mom at regular intervals when we visit.
So, I told Dinah that she should apologize for saying that her Grandma was annoying her. I explained to her that she probably could have used a better word, or somehow could have expressed herself in a nicer and more polite manner. I think my mom then did let Dinah watch some more TV, but then my mother decided to revisit the issue. I guess both my mother, and my brother always try to take on this roll of being a teacher to Dinah. Dinah on the other hand just wants to be the happy go lucky sweet loving child that she is, and have a nice time during a family visit. Okay, so here comes the tie in.
During the revisiting of my daughter’s use of the word annoying I defended my daughter in being allowed to express herself however added that saying my mom was annoying, was really not a very nice thing. My daughter chymed in with “Then what should I have said?” I thinking for a moment came up with and started to say “I feel frustrated because…”. I was trying to give my daughter the formula for expressing your own feelings in an assertive way, a way in which you never could be wrong. Somehow, my mom quickly disagreed and then I asked “What she sh have said” and then…drum roll here… “You should think about it”. I thought for a second and then responded, but thats just teaching her not to respond, and not to be in the moment. Then my mom walked into another room. Then I explained that my mom rarely admits that she is wrong. My daughter agreeing with me also said she “never apologies” and when my mom walked back into the room with new material, and yet another criticism, I quickly regained control of them matter and asked if Dinah could watch television, and my mom agreed. Whew!
I know all this may sound so mundane, but there is a certain reality that Dinah will be facing my mothers attempts to educate and teach my daughter almost anything that she feels she needs to be instructed in. In the past I had fought harder against this kind of thing, but then realized, that to a large extent it is also up to both my daughter and my mom to form the own kind of relationship. I however realize that it is not my role to always back up my mother simply because she is my mother. (Others might disagree with me on this point). Sometimes my mom could be wrong just as well as I could be wrong. A major difference between us, is that I learned that it is okay to be wrong sometimes, to make mistakes, and to apologize (yes even to my own daughter) as soon as I realize that I was wrong, or made a mistake.
In summation I realize that there is a good deal of living in the theoretical going on at various times in our minds. I do not advocate a society which promotes simply saying what you feel at all times without doing some weighing of how our words might be received. However I do believe that there is a tremendous amount of energy being expended on the level of the theoretical without ever coming back to the real issues which are demanding our attention. Life is not a dress rehearsal. I know many people in the frum world might feel as if there true rewards for their actions (or even lack of action) in this world will be well rewarded in Olam Haba (the world to come). However there is no denying that there are tremendous injustices taking place every day in this world. There is a great abundance of wealth, resources, and creative solutions to so many of the problems which continue to plague this world in the here in now. There is an incredible amount of wasted resources, as well as wasted abilities.
Practical and real problems require practical and real solutions. Theoretical is great at the right time. Deep thought has its definite purpose. I believe is was the chess grandmaster Bobby Fischer, that first came up with the concept of The Big Think, in which he uses up some inordinate amount of time from his limited clock, but somehow figures out every theoretical option available on the chess board, and its proper response. Every single time I am called up for an Aliyah or some involvement with the Torah, be during the week or on shabbos or during a festival, I always take a moment (it probably only a a second or two) and try to think about what I am doing. When I take away from my concentration and notice how people are reacting to this two to three second delay in the action, they almost always think something is wrong, like I lost my place in the prayer, or don’t know what bracha to say. They are so so unused to this idea of collecting your thought energy in a focused way, and thinking about what you are doing, instead of just doing it! The answer is in our ability to distinguish between the moments in our lives that require the big think, and the moments of our our lives that require us to act with alacrity.
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What Are People Saying?